CBIZ: Month One.

Let's be real for three moments, cool?

I didn't start my accounting career the last two years since graduating from BYUH because I was scared that I would never have time to be happy. I wanted to just be with my husband and have babies and feel the sun on my skin while still paying for medical school and the necessities of life for however many of us there would be. While I do believe this is possible for some people to accomplish, I wasn't making the necessary steps to accomplish this because I wasn't motivated.

I saw so many others in the little blurbs of their lives that FB or Instagram allows and couldn't understand how they were leading lives without strife and worry while I was not consolable in my isolated case of vulnerability. I felt that my life had been ruined along the pathway of life that I had chosen; I made a wrong turn away from that smooth road to richness of life and ended up in a tangle of weeds I could have plucked much earlier.

After about a year and a half of skirting around the issue with Glen, it happened. The talk, which was more like a sob fest, was long and hard to confess. I didn't want to disappoint him or anyone, but mostly him. I felt like I was in a bind of expectations to become a career-driven, CPA-getting, mothering woman. I used words in between tissues and sharp breaths and got out my feelings that had been building for years (because it started much sooner than graduation). I was accusatory and defensive; he was forgiving, gentle, kind, understanding and everything I hadn't anticipated in all of my lonely squandering. He told me things like I hadn't thought of before like, "you can quit in a week if you don't like it." He gave me confidence and control over my life again. For the first time in a fairly long time I felt free.

And taking a look at the mess through new eyes, I realized what I really was doing for me was a lot of nothing. There was no progression and no ceiling that was disallowing my success. I had let my fears of unhappiness and inability engulf my desires for helping my family progress. I started interviewing and received an offer for a tax associate position for the CPA firm I had always wanted from my time at BYUH. Even with all of the pushing from professors and classmates alike to get into the big four firms, I knew it didn't jive with my work ethic; not that I couldn't handle the pressure, but that it might consume my life because I have problems saying no to superiors in some boss/employee situations. [I don't know that this would have truly happened, but I am not going to allow myself the opportunity for that to happen again.]

With the encouragement of Glen, I was able to overcome my psychological blockages and have been working in the Irvine office of CBIZ for a month, today.

I don't know how long I'll continue working during or after Glen has graduated from med school, but it doesn't really matter either. I'm grateful for my job even though traffic and studying for the CPA exam blows. I'm actually still happy and that's a huge deal.

Aloha.

San Simeon: Hearst Castle

After we were all tired of Solvang souvenir shops, we headed North for our hotel in San Simeon. When we got to the hotel, Kate suggested we go to the beach for sunset and just to get some walking in after a long driving day.

Glen and I forgot to bring any sort of warm clothes figuring it to be Summer. We brought swimsuits, not sweaters. I guess all of CA isn't so warm though because we definitely needed my security blanket out there. (Security blanket information: I don't sleep well sans Glen, so I needed to bring a blanket I'm accustomed to sleeping with to feel somewhat comfortable.) The mistake made for cute photos though ;) and they're again from Bryan Flores -- his photos for the trip and professionally speaking are linked at the beginning of my Solvang post here.

After we were done at the beach, we headed back to the hotel for some girl's night fun in one of our rooms. We had a devotional by Kate about letting our light shine for all to see with cute handouts and the Spirit. It was beautiful and quiet before the violent murders took place. From the game Murder. I had never played this game before -- Mafia, sure, but not murder. Whoever gets the ace of spades is murderer and has to wink secretively at everyone else (to kill them) without getting caught. To be nice to the murderer, the murdered has to wait a few seconds to keel over so it's less suspicious. We played until midnight when I rigged the game for the last of the girls to be deemed murderer and that was the end. Kate was beat from driving the whole way and we all had to get up early to grab breakfast, check out, and get to Hearst Castle for our tour!
Look up Hearst Castle if you don't know what it is; I had no idea what it was before this trip. And just a P.S., that bathtub in the picture on the right is one of my new ideas for a future Gray Estate.View and all.

This place took up the last 28 years of Hearst's life and it is an unfinished structure. He hired a female architect, which was crazy back then, and they worked on it together the whole way. He kept changing his mind about it and that's why it was never completed. I guess when you have that much money it doesn't really matter though. The construction stuff isn't from the unfinished nature of the project, they're in the process of re-roofing.

Here's my bathtub. Except it will be more comfortable and have less of a what-is-going-on-in-this-art feel.

This is a sarcophagus. He has nine. I'm pretty sure he had too much money... I admit I could be wrong though. It just seems like so much to be spending selfishly. Again, the possibility of my being wrong is present, but he did make this castle for his mistress (he had a wife and children). So, there's that.
The land was purchased over several years by his parents and he developed on this hill after it was vested to him in the early 1900's. The houses alone are more than 90,000 square feet altogether! How can you have clutter with so much space? The land though, guys! 250,000 acres including 14 miles of coastline! Just insane.

Oh yeah, and this is my new pool idea -- mostly for the raised diving platform. I'm thinking some sort of non-slip trampoline type thing. Probably something like the people who set up for American Ninja Warrior qualifiers use. I am overwhelmed with excitement.

The indoor pool (above) is where the bus picks you up when you're done exploring/touring. Oh yeah, did I mention he had a zoo? With polar bears and crap? His guests were allowed to do whatever they wanted during the day and required to congregate for drinking and dinner later in the evening and night.
Most of the tour, all I could think was how cluttered it felt. So much stuff just everywhere. I don't like that. He was really in need of a purge to get the non-necessities of life out. Especially since he experienced financial issues toward the end.

Part 2 of San Simeon is filled with weird things.
Aloha.

Our First Date

In honor of Disneyland's 60th anniversary (which is today if you haven't noticed all over Instagram, Facebook, network news, etc.), the first of my memory posts is at this beautiful place.

17 December 2008; Glen and me at Disneyland in front of Small World on what would be recognized as our first date. We look adorable, I know. I was eighteen and Glen, twenty-three. It was off and on rain all day which means the most magical time to be at Disneyland because others won't endure. 

Glen's mom dropped us off and his sister signed us in (free dates have always been the best). We spent all day there. I had Ritz cracker packages in my purse for snacks and we went on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride about twenty times because of the part where you drive through 'hell'; the heat was marvelous. We were soaked through to skin and dying from the cold (but we were dumb and happy -- kind of like now).

As evening was settling in, we were still getting used to the changing temperature and decided to hit main street for some hot chocolate. I hate hot chocolate. Hot drinks in general really make my head hurt, not sure why. But I was so cold and it really helped that Glen wanted some. We sat in the store on the edge of main street on the castle end, shared a cup, and played checkers on one of the store's tables with balled up pieces of the two straw covers we acquired. I can't remember now how we differentiated the two sets of pieces, oh well.We watched the fireworks and probably rode Indiana Jones three more times for good measure before heading out. 

Thinking back on that day makes me feel grateful and happy and joyful and blessed. We had a fun day together and Glen wanted to hold my hand the whole time but never summoned enough courage. Poor guy :) I wish I could go back as a bystander and watch us jump over railings, run from Thunder Mountain to Space Mountain just because, laugh, talk, take pictures of each other doing dumb things. Although, I probably wouldn't be able to see most of it because I'm such a crier now.

So, happy birthday, Disneyland -- you money-sucking, magical place, you. I'll love you forever.

High Five for Friday: Sick

Glen and I have been battling this stupid sickness for months now. We would always get just the right amount of rest every night to keep it in submission, but we have succumbed in the past couple of days. And if we get sick again from going home next week like we usually do I am going to lose it! I don't know what I'm going to lose at this point, but I like to throw things away when I find myself alone for long periods of time. There's usually something important that comes up "lost" later and I remember my throw away party I had so much fun at. Pray for me.

Besides being sick and hating it, there were some really awesome things from this week and here are five:

1. On Saturday, it was Jaxon's (I have been babysitting him and his little sister since February) first soccer game! He's three-almost-four and loves soccer with his life half the time. Kids are weird that way. This day though, he was killing that soccer life. I mean, compared to me he's got nothing on soccer because he has such tiny legs he can't keep up. When compared to his three year old peers though! Man, this kid rocked their butts! Honestly, it almost felt disgusting to keep cheering for him -- although I managed to continue quite easily. The other two members of his team were shy and couldn't play because of the tear fest they really needed to get to on the sideline, so for the last half of the game (the whole of it lasted 20 minutes, tops) it was 1 against 2/3 and Jaxon the blue team won 4--1.

2. I had promised Jaxon I would go to his game if I was still around and I'm super glad it worked out. He was so stoked when he saw that I was there and the game was so hilarious! Every time he'd score a goal, he would come running up and ask to see the picture I took of him. Oh yeah, and he's really into taking pictures with weird faces right now, which really works for me.

3. After the game, Glen and I went Small Business Saturday shopping because American Express has this really cool deal where you get $10 back if you spend at least $10 with your card (just at three stores). And the Waiahole Poi Factory was listed on their website as a participant! Oh snap, we were excited!

Everyone's poi tastes are different, I understand that very clearly. This poi is very good tasting, but the thickness just wasn't for me that day. I like my poi pretty thick and this was on the watery side for me. For reference, I like when the poi can be picked up with a toothpick and this one was definitely spoon-necessary. The laulau was perfect though. Perfect.

 4. We went over to Waialua the other day and had fun exploring farmlands. We only got locked in once, but that was enough to send us packing for the day haha.

5. Glen is officially done with his undergraduate life now. Ha. He had to present his senior research before that could happen and he did it yesterday evening. There was delicious pizza accompanying a subject I know little about, so that was nice.

Hope I get off of the sick wagon soon. I'm banking on the off chance that serving in the temple tonight will bless me with health again. It's dang cold in there most nights though. So, probably not.

Aloha Friday.

High Five for Friday: Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving weekend! Our countdown has become real and scary to move home. We have a bunch of crap to sell/give away and Glen has an ever-heightening pile of papers to grade. I hope through everything though, we're able to spend time with friends and this beautiful place as much as possible just like this week.

Here are my five favorite things:

1. I met this guy on the beach and we had a moment after he sneezed himself awake. You know, if you really want to just get away from the beach crowds on a beautiful day on O'ahu, it isn't very hard at all. You just have to be the one who stays on the beach while it rains, or walk further than others are willing, or yell shark. That last one's usually not the preferred route.

2. On Monday night, our friend Rinki came over to teach us how to make chicken curry -- Northern India style. Her and her husband are from Calcutta and just moved here earlier this year for schooling. The curry was so delicious and we are so grateful for Rinki having enough patience for our billions of questions.

3. On Tuesday, we had our friends Amy and Josh come over to teach us how to make Thai food! Amy is half Thai and we are fully aware of our love for Thai food, so it really works out. We had four dishes: Pad Thai, Tom Kha Gai, Laab, and Chicken Sate. It was beautiful food and company. Thanks Amy and Josh!

4. Glen and his grapefruit.

5. Thanksgiving was a wonderful day filled with plenty of food. We have a full turkey left over; no joke, the whole thing was untouched because there was just too much food! We had our unofficial ward Thanksgiving on the lawn in front of our buildings and enjoyed the breezy day turn into a chilly night. And Glen was in a food coma on the grass with blankets covering him for a while after everyone started packing up.

Aloha Friday

High Five for Friday: Beach Week

Happy day, it's Friday! We plan to have an amazing outing tomorrow, which I'm super stoked about! We've been talking about it for a while and have just never had the time or our brakes weren't working for like a month haha. We thought we could just ride it out until the end possibly, but the car just wouldn't stop sometimes, so we decided to take lil blue in for a check up. Hundreds of dollars later, we can stop again! Success. We're missing a hubcap, but what's that in comparison?

1. Our anniversary was last week Thursday, but we didn't have much time that day to celebrate. So, this is kind of from last week, but it's a big enough occasion to merit expanding into this week's gratefulness too. We went to Ted's for Garlic Shrimp and pie, which was a really good choice. It always is. Here, I kissed my chocolate haupia cream pie and that was a really good choice too.

2. DONOVIN! We stayed with our friends on Saturday, the Richardson's. I've mentioned them a couple times before (here and here). We hadn't seen them in such a long time! It was awesome to be with them again. It's weird how you get so adept to staying in your own area that it seems like such a crazy outing to go across the island (they live in town -- about a mile from Waikiki beach).
Here, Donovin is showing off one of his power stances in the middle of an epic toddler dance to looping music coming from the keyboard behind him (it was "looping" because he kept turning it back on after it had finally stopped haha).

Thanks David and Mandy for letting us take over your living room and feeding us amazing things! We love you guys :) Let's do it again soon, okay? Cool.

3. Like I mentioned in our anniversary post, we hadn't been to a beach in weeks because of work schedules. So, I kind of made up for it (if you can) by going to the beach almost every day this week. Even if it was just for a half hour I made the trip. It was beautiful and lovely and all the good words. This is from Waikiki the night we stayed at the Richardson's. It was a beautiful sunset.

4.  Yoga at the beach is such an awesome experience as long as I'm alone. I don't like when people are there because I feel like I'm either ruining their experience because it's hard not to look at someone while they practice yoga, or I'm ruining my experience by doing poses that are the most discrete. Rough life, I know. It really is a struggle for me though. 

I really was completely alone here. Excepting the two surfers that paddled out to the furthest break (they were like specs), I was not in human contact for hours. Plus, it's a beautiful beach with plenty of cute birds. To spread the icing all over this delicious dessert of a day, I fell asleep in corpse pose next to this patch of grass/weeds. (Glen wasn't here because he teaches all day on Thursdays)

5. I had a conversation with a friend about many things yesterday, but also about just one. We talked about girls, marriage, the temple, remembrance, righteousness; we got a little deep because a lot of the time it's necessary and we're too afraid of drowning to even start it. Even with all of the topics we touched on, we were talking wholly about what he should be doing. It's different for all of us, but we all end up at the same place even though we take our own path. It was a really good conversation and I'm glad I started it.

Hope this next week is even better than this past one.

Aloha Friday!