The campaign is over and we didn't win. It was an amazing learning experience for me, not only about that strange political world, but about my limits. I think we all tend to think less of ourselves than is necessary. Humility is one thing, negativity is another. I usually think of myself as a slightly capable person; I mean, my extremities work and all of my senses work as far as I'm aware.
Glen and I had a very serious conversation about this the other night when I was sort of breaking down from the need for sleep. You know what I'm talking about... it was intense and I probably forgot half of it within seconds, yeah.
He was chastising me for spending so much time on the campaign (it was the final days and the monthly monster was abounding within me, you feel me?) and I was failing to defend my non-existent points because he was right and I knew it. After a bit, I finally just blurted out that all I have to offer is a body to do work; go further than that and you don't find much value. So, I need to be there to do whatever menial tasks necessary because that is all I can give (talk about a pity party).
Honestly, I felt this way in a moment of weakness and Glen felt my sincerity. He held me close and told me all the things I needed. The most remarkable thing about this is that I believed him and continue to. It is no miracle that he whispers wonderful things to me; he's a great husband, but my ability to take the compliments in and accept that his words have feelings and truth attached to them is always a struggle.
The spirit of God is the only explanation I have of how Glen was able to tell me that I meant so much more than a body in the crowd and have me believe it. The words of others can come off as ambiguous, sarcastic, straight up lies; especially when they're directed at you. We tend (at least I do) to trust that no one can be trusted. This kind of philosophy, while oftentimes very useful, is damaging to relationships especially in marriage. Trusting your spouse is crucial to having an open, unified life together. When your spouse (or friend, family member, loved one, etc.) speaks to you and the first thing you think is if they're telling the truth, there are some serious flaws in that thought process. You are establishing a relationship based on a principle (if you can call it a principle) of guilty before proven innocent. If a known murderer gets to go through a trial seen as innocent before proven guilty, who is more deserving of that same kind of treatment than your spouse?
The spirit lets us feel words, the truth of them. I am so grateful for the late night conversations we have and that I can trust my husband enough to be open with him. It is a blessing I cherish now more than ever (because I trust him now more than ever).
No comments:
Post a Comment