Mormon Monday: Modern World

I've always loved children. Playing fun games and laughing at nothing. Even when I was in high school I'd still bring out the sheets, build a fort and play house with my younger cousins. So, now that my family has begun the next generation it's been awesome getting to know them. My cousin's daughter Jaydyn really likes playing with whoever she can find to boss around (me). When I'm at grandma's house, you can usually find me having a very exclusive tea party, playing hide-and-go-seek, or holding my brother's son Bronson.

On Christmas, Jay and I were sipping tea and eating heavily frosted cupcakes when she said this:

J: "Hey, I've never seen your phone...."
B: "Okay"
J: "Where is it? Can I see it?"
B: "Sure, it's in my coat on Grandma's bed."
Runs to the site and waits for me to get it out.
J: "Ooh! I like your buttons! Can I push 'em?

Glen and I both have dumb phones -- not smart phones. We love them and we love our bill even more ha. This experience with Jay made me feel a little judged and enormously flattered. I don't think she was meaning to pass on either of those, but I'm super glad she did (well, just the flattered part;)).

I realized as she pushed my buttons that she hadn't ever seen my phone because when we're playing... we're really playing. I don't need a device to keep hers or my own attention.

I'm not meaning this to be any sort of failure on any other person's way of playing with theirs or someone else's children. I just want to point out that it doesn't always have to involve those types of things. There are so many other options than scrolling through Facebook to watch other people's lives be so much better than yours in one picture. You do know they're doing the exact same thing and only post when something extravagant happens, right? We feed off of each other like parasites. Oh, Chris went to a party last night... let's do something fun and take pictures too! It's all about the selfie. Post it to instagram or it never happened. I need a pick-me-up, so let me just perk my boobs up and take a selfie for instagram so people I don't actually respect will tell me I'm hot. Yeah, that feeling is going to last.

Call me old-fashioned for actually being with people when I'm with them, I guess, but isn't that how it ought to be? Scrolling through those things takes away from your happiness because life can't be fully captured in a picture or 1,200 -- there will always be something you don't see in them. So, don't assume that other people are so much more happy/exciting/adventurous/pretty/whatever than you. We all chip our nail polish and have Top Ramen sometimes. Go and chip your nail polish and eat Top Ramen because you're actually doing things you love and don't have time to worry about it.

Mormon Monday: Through Another Lens

 Most often we see ourselves in the stark morning light creeping in through just peeled open eyes. We may not be just waking up, it might be just after hours of prepping, cinching, covering, labeling, stuffing, preening. It doesn't matter what season it is in your day, the unforgiving morning light shining from our eyes and the tired glare of looking at the same flawed features is always on; there will always be something to worry over and try to mask.
It's funny then how photographers can capture our "best" qualities in a single half hour shoot or how others can look at those same features we stress over and confess their lust for them. How can strangers see what we cannot? Why must we look at the bad over the good? Why must our bodies be guilty before proven innocent in our own eyes? It is equally mystifying and infallible.
Think to how you are with the ones you love most dearly; there are times when there is no getting past your grumpiness... but only with them. If someone pops in for a visit or calls unexpectedly, in that same instant you transform from an impenetrable grump to the friend filled with kind words and laughter. Weird how most of the time our best selves are saved for those we have least invested in. And how true this is within our own minds and especially within the poorly-lit bathroom mirrors of our homes.
But, as I mentioned, those preconceived flaws of body and person seen through the lens of another become beauty and lust and perfection and magic. Looking through the eyes of others will in every way make us better because whether it be praise or criticism, they can make you stronger. Let those words affect you as much as you want them to because you have control over it. Putting stock into what others say can be good and bad, but controlling how much goes in is up to the cook. Make your soup or casserole or bacon-wrapped-unagi-roll everything you ever dreamed by believing in your ability to do it. We are our own strength, our own love, our own person; let you be you without the morning light and just peeled open eyes of yesterday. See what God sees by believing that he can see more than you; He knows what we can become and what we can become is what matters.

We spend so much time critiquing our reflections that we become confined in one state of mind. Selfishness. We lust after the vain imaginations of perfection and forget that it all fades and your left with either wrinkles from envy or laughter. And wouldn't you rather be laughing for them?

So, instead of focusing on how we see or how others see us, the Lord will have the last word. He knows you, the real one; not the fake one on the phone or in visits with friends, nor even the one in that bleak bathroom mirror. Let Him guide you by never losing yourself to the false perfection of everyone else. He is the light that lifts our eyes and minds from our selfish desires. See yourself through His eyes. He created the earth, the seas, the sunsets, the snow, the waterfalls, and you. Out of all His creations, we are the beauty He is most eager to possess and shouldn't that say more than we ever could?

Aloha Monday

Mormon Monday: Positivity

The campaign is over and we didn't win. It was an amazing learning experience for me, not only about that strange political world, but about my limits. I think we all tend to think less of ourselves than is necessary. Humility is one thing, negativity is another. I usually think of myself as a slightly capable person; I mean, my extremities work and all of my senses work as far as I'm aware. 

Glen and I had a very serious conversation about this the other night when I was sort of breaking down from the need for sleep. You know what I'm talking about... it was intense and I probably forgot half of it within seconds, yeah. 

He was chastising me for spending so much time on the campaign (it was the final days and the monthly monster was abounding within me, you feel me?) and I was failing to defend my non-existent points because he was right and I knew it. After a bit, I finally just blurted out that all I have to offer is a body to do work; go further than that and you don't find much value. So, I need to be there to do whatever menial tasks necessary because that is all I can give (talk about a pity party).

Honestly, I felt this way in a moment of weakness and Glen felt my sincerity. He held me close and told me all the things I needed. The most remarkable thing about this is that I believed him and continue to. It is no miracle that he whispers wonderful things to me; he's a great husband, but my ability to take the compliments in and accept that his words have feelings and truth attached to them is always a struggle.

The spirit of God is the only explanation I have of how Glen was able to tell me that I meant so much more than a body in the crowd and have me believe it. The words of others can come off as ambiguous, sarcastic, straight up lies; especially when they're directed at you. We tend (at least I do) to trust that no one can be trusted. This kind of philosophy, while oftentimes very useful, is damaging to relationships especially in marriage. Trusting your spouse is crucial to having an open, unified life together. When your spouse (or friend, family member, loved one, etc.) speaks to you and the first thing you think is if they're telling the truth, there are some serious flaws in that thought process. You are establishing a relationship based on a principle (if you can call it a principle) of guilty before proven innocent. If a known murderer gets to go through a trial seen as innocent before proven guilty, who is more deserving of that same kind of treatment than your spouse? 

The spirit lets us feel words, the truth of them. I am so grateful for the late night conversations we have and that I can trust my husband enough to be open with him. It is a blessing I cherish now more than ever (because I trust him now more than ever).

Mormon Monday: Having Fun, Part 1

This is the video I mentioned we made in my last post. Our friend was making a video compilation of a bunch of videos friends made for his wife's birthday and we made this for her! It was fun and a really great way to spend time together. So much of our "together" time right now is being spent campaigning or grading quizzes or sleeping or driving across the island that we don't get to do normal, fun stuff like this. And if I wasn't a member, I'd probably be thinking to myself what a Mormon does for fun because they can't dance, right?

In high school my best friend and I were Mormons; all of our friends knew it, it wasn't a big deal. We didn't drink or do drugs and everyone knew it. This one night in particular, we were at a friend of a friend's house celebrating our friend's birthday party. It was extremely fun and you know why? Jolie (my best friend) and I didn't have inhibitions, no need to drink them out of us.
We set up shop in the garage because it was equipped with couches and Brisk cans all over the floor. We sat down and began our talk show for the night -- this is where the cans come in, they were our microphones. We were extremely bad at the English accents, but no one seemed to mind (or remember). Everyone thought we were just as drunk as the next person, which may have not been the best example, but we were teenagers without testimonies. We were seriously having the best time over anyone, I guarantee it. Everyone else was moaning about some stupid drama here and there, but we were just in our huge dreamland in the one-car garage busting guts all over the place. We got yelled at several times for being too loud and for drinking the Brisk when we were specifically asked not to. Trouble is, we don't drink tea as Mormons and we were probably contracting infectious diseases from the real culprits, so who's got it worse buddy? It was the best party I had ever attended and remains my favorite memory of high school.

The point is, Mormons have fun, just not a lot of the same fun as everyone else. We make dumb videos and go on hikes and play sports every week; and if you grew up with/in a devout Mormon family, you probably still play Settler's of Catan every Monday week night out of habit.

We love having fun. Come to any activity and it's sure to be a hilariously-wholesome, good time with major treat action. It must be that we just have more time to bake and cook and craft because we don't clutter our nights with drinking, not sure though. We wake up and get on our knees, not in front of the toilet for sickness (besides that whole pregnancy deal), but to consecrate our day and dealings to the Master of heaven and earth. We are the way we are because of Him and I love it.

Aloha

Mormon Monday: Jalapeño Hands

Everyone already knows this, but let's just explicitly state that I'm a Mormon. It says so in my side panel thing - if you click on it, it takes you to a page where I talk about my experiences and what I believe as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Anyway, I did that a while ago and while that's good or whatever, I've been feeling like it isn't enough.

In the Church, we've been counselled to be more open about our lives in social media. Those outside of our religion think we're super weird... which is totally true. There are drive-through coffee shops, entire valleys devoted to wine, more R-rated movies in the listings than not, and we're all over here in this little corner of reality passing around the jell-o and watching The Simpson's when the parents are on their date night. So, yeah, I'm different than most people on this Earth because I try to be a faithful LDS.

Here's a story I shared in church today:

On Saturday, we were helping out my boss  with making food for this farewell party for someone that works for them. The menu called for Cafe Rio's pork and house dressing. Beautiful choice. I was hard at work with the dressing when it came time for the jalapeño to be added to the ingredients in the blender. I was unsure of how good the blender would perform so I decided to break each piece in half again just to be sure. I felt a little spritz each time I broke one in half. The first time it happened, I thought that it probably wasn't a great idea to be getting that stuff all over my hands. I waited a little to see if my hands would start burning and they didn't; I continued. When I tasted the dressing from the blender cap afterwards it was so spicy! Glen tried it and didn't get much spice so I thought mine must have been a fluke.
A little while later, we were leaving because the regular help came and my hands started burning were on FIRE! We planned to head to the beach, but I needed help. We thought about going anyway because there's probably nothing we could really do about it, but decided to consult Google (neither of us have smart phones; read: homeward bound). We stopped at Foodland for milk and eggs -- staples in our diet -- and by the time we were leaving, I couldn't even feel the milk in my hands.
Google said a lot of things that did not work, worked. I was consigning myself to amputation at this point. Alcohol was one of those things, but Glen decided soaking would probably be best. We were pretty low on our Isopropyl, so we turned to vanilla extract.
One thing you must understand is that I am an avid throw away-er. Things that have no purpose, not enough sentiment, anything that I deem throw away-able -- goners. We received this vanilla bottle from some friends leaving the island. We used it once and decided we didn't like the flavor, so it went in the cupboard I least look in. If it had been put in any other place, it would have been trash a year ago. Let me tell you, that stupid, huge bottle of vanilla saved me from a life of handless-ness. I hated that vanilla... it smelled like bubbles too (What the weird?), but it saved me in the end.
Lesson learned: you may feel like that bottle of vanilla sometimes; forgotten, useless, maybe smelly too. You may feel that your life has been spent sitting on the shelf with no worth and that you should just be thrown away. I testify that you, just like that bottle of little worth ended up saving my hands, can save yourself and others by serving. Be the hands that care, the words that uplift, the steps that otherwise could or would not be tread. There is no greater joy than to answer the call of a loving Heavenly Father to help one of His children in need. Whether that be to bear and raise a child, grab the blender on a too-high shelf, or be a friend, service will keep your life worth living.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I might even keep the rest of the bottle (it's that huge) because it was so nice to me. We'll see.

What being LDS does and doesn't mean is really tough to answer because there will always be more questions that spring from the words I put here than answers given. What will be here every Monday is a portion of my testimony that I feel should be shared. It may not be for you (it may not even be for me sometimes), but I know that I want my posterity to have the opportunity to know my testimony. And that's enough.

Anyway, this is me letting even more of my weirdness shine for all eight of you to see. Joyous, joyous.

Aloha